Constantine (2005)

I said in my Hellblazer post not to mention the film version, and then what did Channel 5 go and do? They put the film on last night! It was just a bit too much of a crazy random happenstance to let go, so I tuned in.

Now, I made a big effort to turn off the crazed fangirl part of my brain and enjoy it as a film and for the most part I succeeded, with only minimal shouting at the screen. I still need to geta few things off my chest:

John Constantine is British.

He is also blonde.

His name is NOT pronounced Constanteeeeen, it's Constanteyene.

However, none of those will make this a bad film, just irritate people who should really just relax (ie: me).

And actually, it's a pretty slick movie! The direction is excellent, with some beautiful shots - I especially love the penchant for symmetrical compositions, they're supposedly against the rules but I think they're structurally graceful. The CGI is of a very high standard, both in execution and visualization. A lot of imagination went into it and I really like the way Hell was a mirror image of the rest of the world.

Even the plot tweakings were good - I've just read the arc this was partially based on and the changes were good. Certain simplification were made (I'm being vague for the spoilerphobic!) but it worked within the shape of thr film. The writer really got the characterisation right too, with Constantine the compelling bastard he should be.

Which is where I will stop being so relentlessly positive for a spell, because the quality of the writing is let down by its vessel - a certain Keanu Reeves, destroyer of sci-fi. I can see why he's a popular casting choice - as well as the association with the ridiculously successful Matrix films he does possess a way of moving which is wonderfully graceful. Watch him walk - it's beautiful. Unfortunately, from the neck up it's bad news. He's just a bad actor! It's not even that no emotion crosses his face, because entire roles have been based on stony exteriors. It's that there is zero life in his eyes; soulless putting it kindly. That works occaisionally, like in a moment where he has to seem terrifyingly cold and emotionless. He deserves an Oscar for that! But when you need a character to show some emotion or even just put some expression into a line it pollutes the whole movie.

I'll get my other big gripe out of the way at the same time so I can end happily: they cast Lucifer absolutely wrong. This is what their Lucifer looks like:

This is what he should look like:

This isn't me with my nerd cap on, it would have made the film better. He should look like he belongs on the cover of GQ! I'd cast Cillian Murphy and dye his hair strawberry blonde, and I really quite want to adapt the Lucifer comics with this casting because WOW that would be good. (Jennifer Connelly as Mazikeen.)(This is after I make Good Omens with James MacAvoy as Crowley.)

Anway, back to the good stuff.

The rest of the casting was pretty genius. Rachel Weisz was reliably good, Djimon Hounsou stole every scene as Midnite, Shia LeBeouf popped up enexpectedly as poor put-upon Chas and Tilda Swinton... well. She has a knack for being brilliantly weird and she played Gabriel amazingly, with a creepy equilibrium and androgeny. It helpedthat the prosthetic wings were well done - really well done.

So having reconsidered, I can look at Constanteeeen as a good film, if somewhat of a missed opportunity. There, haven't I grown?


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